Rated B for blog.

I just saw an ad for "Pathfinder". Two notes:

1. The German word for "Pathfinder" is "Pfadfinder", which is the name of their Boy Scouts. I imagine it's a lot less discriminatory over there than Penn and Teller make the BSA out to be.

2. At the end of the commercial, they mentioned that it was rated R for strong, brutal violence. I guess now that 300 has done so well, Hollywood has figured out how to turn legal requirements into advertising. I mean, when was the last time you heard of a movie explicitly stating the reasons it got its MPAA rating? And even then, was it declared proudly, or rushed over, as you would with any embarrassment? Something to think about.

Shock and aww....

I failed a bio test today. This would have bothered me, if I weren't switching majors. And, you know, if I had ever cared about my grades. Ever.

After the test, the TA who runs my lab came up to me and pointed out that I hadn't shown up to class in four or five weeks, and just wanted to know what was going on. I explained to her, pretty calmly, that I intended to fail the class. I feel compelled to point out that this woman is a Catholic nun, so that you understand what I'm saying when I describe her reaction as: she looked like I'd just told her I was the antichrist, but wouldn't bother with mortal souls, since I was fine with corrupting bags of Cheetos. A weird mixture of fear, relief, and uncomfortable amusement is what I was going for, there.

Speaking of TAs, I noticed that the "Teacher's Assistant Union" had chalked up campus. One sign that they wrote: "TAs + Union = A Better Education. It all add's up." (sic) I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that it wasn't some English grad student who wrote that.

I kind of forgot to sleep today. Work tonight will suck. I got a couple of hours this morning, but not nearly enough. Thank god for caffeine.

Last night, I had the strangest dream.

I dreamt that I married my right-wing, Evangelical, sexophobic coworker. It would have been a nightmare, but in the end, I won; she was sick on our wedding night, so I had the advantage, and was able to torch the house and get the insurance money. While this reveals many disturbing things about how my subconscious mind works, I consider it a win.

So, I've figured out something about my feelings toward biology. We were having a chat about it in the break room last night, and the point came up that intro biology courses are designed, not to generate interest in the subject (for those who may not have it as a major), nor to prepare people for future bio classes (for those who have already selected it), but to weed out bad students. This pisses me off, because I think of it as a bad educational policy.

But then, I started thinking about it as a business policy. And it works damn well, as long as demand exceeds supply. I mean, if you can only reasonably support so many biology students, and you get about three times that number of potential biology students, then you can afford to do things like turn people away. So now I'm pissed off for an entirely new reason!

You see, I (like so very many of my friends) am a fan of the less popular programs. I have probably met more business majors than sociology students, but they haven't come out to me. So, if I thought the world consisted only of people whose major I know, I would think that it was chock full of folks who study things like anthropology, comparative religion, environmental studies, a foreign language of some sort, communications, or philosophy. These are all great things to study, but let's face it; none of these programs can afford to actually turn people away. They need students, so the intro courses in these programs are interesting, fun, and educational, instead of being vehicles of exclusion. Imagine that; professors who teach to students who learn. It's like the university were in the business of educating, instead of just selling people degrees.

Oh joy, oh rapture!

Today, Bell's brought out its summer beer: Oberon is back, baby! After class, I bought a six pack. Even as I type this, I am experiencing the effects of my very first Oberon of the summer. Hooray!

To celebrate, I practiced various songs on my cello. Gershwin's "Summertime", Henley's "Boys of Summer", and the traditional tune "Drive the cold winter away" were heard, and that staple of Ren and Stimpy fans, "Happy Happy Joy Joy" was played on my African thumb piano (after I retuned it a bit, of course). I've been playing my cello more and more this month. I am in sore need of practice, but I'm getting there.

Damn, today has been good.

Edification must be sweet.

I remember when Mike used to claim ownership of a particular word, to the point of defending its very existence. Well, no more! Although it is extremely popular nowadays, I have no proof that he didn't come up with it, and frankly, it makes me happier to believe that he did. Well done, Mike!

I made a decision on my way to work last night. More specifically, I made a decision on my way from the parking lot to the actual hospital building. It occurred to me that I really do want a degree in computer science. Additionally, I want to be able to teach, if the opportunity arises. So, given these premises, I see a very reasonable conclusion: go for a master's degree in CS. So I will. Hooray! Decision made. Let's see if this decision goes the way of my decision to get a law degree, get a biomedical science degree, or have a ponytail. (Ah, high school.) But I'm going into this being excited about the material itself, not just the possibility of a job afterwards. So I'm feeling pretty good. Or maybe it's just the weather. Either way, I'm feeling pretty good right now.

Signs.

Outside my cafeteria at work is a sign that says something along the lines of "We appreciate and value our minorities", and shows a picture of an Asian woman in scrubs. I wonder what would happen if some person, armed with a magic marker, inserted the word "racial" between "our" and "minorities". Logically, it only makes explicit what the poster already implies, so theoretically, there would be no problem, right?

Of course, I don't hate my job enough to do that. Or at least, I don't hate my paycheck enough.

Sometimes, you cannot even get an honorary degree. Hell, I'm a poor slacker and even I could get the regular kind. This raises all kinds of questions in my mind about what it means to be an alum of a school; if you didn't go there as an actual student, and nobody says you deserve a degree from the school (even an honorary one), what the hell does "alumnus" mean? (A nursling, it turns out.)

Coffee: good for humans and non-humans alike! Who knew? Although I am disturbed by the use of the word "trademark" in that article. If the Mormons can claim trademarks like that, what else gets shuffled into that category? I kind of like the idea of the Bible being subject to intellectual property laws, but images of Buddha ought to be free for anyone to use. But I guess it's a non-issue (translation: very important news story), since the overwhelming majority of religious iconography gets grandfathered into the public domain. Say what you will about religion; at the very least, we can agree that it is old.

Plans, plans.

I had a fortune cookie at work last night. The fortune? "You have clearly loved every minute of your job." I am not kidding. I could not make heads or tails of it until I remembered that, as with all baked goods based predictions, one must append the words "in bed" to the end of it. I do love my job in bed! Sleep is always good.

Yesterday, I went to talk to the computer science people about switching to a CS major. I was handed several options by a person who, to me, resembled that spacey fortune-telling professor from Harry Potter. But she knew what she was on about, and suggested, in addition to the basic "second bachelor's" plan, that I might be interested in a master's degree. And it turns out, I might at that. Of course, the first couple of years would resemble getting a bachelor's in CS, and it would take more years than a bachelor's, but my dad trotted out the old truism, "How old will you be in four (or five, or eight) years if you don't get the degree?" But since I don't really plan to live that long (and never have), I guess the question is two fold: 1. How rich can I get if I don't get the degree, and 2. will I have a decent quality of life if I choose to pursue this degree?

I think the answer to both of those questions is an emphatic yes. Which doesn't help much with that first part, but I don't think anyone was betting on me making any money during the next decade, so really, I'd only be cheating myself. And maybe, if I rack up enough student debt, I can roll the odometer and get away scot free!

Hooray for comics!

If you get a chance to read today's "Get Fuzzy", please think of me when you do. It turns out, I do own a LotR game, but purely by accident. When my downstairs neighbor moved, he wanted to trade some video games, and gave me three for the price of one. It isn't something I'd buy for myself, but hey- free game!

Time travel.

I was just reading Scott Adams' blog, where he mentioned an idea known as "Retrocausality", but I will call it retrocausation, instead, because I want to. In effect, it is the idea that the present changes the past, not just vice-versa. This is a very fun idea, but not really as useful as it seems.

Example: you point a gun at a target and pull the trigger. Try to change what happens to the bullet or the target after the trigger is pulled.

Similarly, with retrocausation, you can cause the past without really changing what happened. Why? It already happened! By the time you figure out a) the effect in the past, and b) the cause in the present, the present will have become the recent past, with all its own causes from throughout time. So the timing is all off. If you think affecting the bullet and the target would be hard, think about this: affecting the past requires, instead of very little time, zero time (or less!).

Now, if the scientists figure out a way to show that the past is affected by future causes, then we'll be talking. But we'll probably be talking about predestination, so none of it will matter anyway. But just in case, I'm going to try to change the wording of that news article:
Retrocausation retrocausation retrocausation retrocausation retrocausation. Ha!

Happy thoughts.

Last night, I talked with Kim, who just yesterday, caught up on some three months worth of my blog. I asked her what she thought about it, and she pointed out that I did not like my job.

So today, I want to make a list of ten things that make me happy. It'll be a nice pick-me-up in times of woe and despair.

1. When Mike and Kim come to visit. Yay!

2. Webcomics and other fun internet sites.

3. Food.

4. World of Warcraft.

5. Sleep.

6. Scrubs! Very funny.

7. Blogs. Mine and yours.

8. Beer.

9. ummm....

Okay, so I only got about eight items, and two of them were basic necessities of human existence (beer and WoW).

Damn, this is a depressing blog.

Fun with numbers!

Here are some statistics for your enjoyment:

3: The number of days these statistics cover.

2: rolls of toilet paper I've used to blow my nose.

9: quarts of root beer that come in a dozen 12-oz cans.

2: gallons of root beer I've had to drink.

1: phone calls I've had.

50: dollars the hospital will want from me at some point. Good luck to them.

0: hours I've worked.

0: dollars I've earned. (Makes sense, don't it?)

0: classes attended.

4: cans of chicken noodle soup consumed.

2: showers taken. (I think that's pretty damn good, under the circumstances.)

3: blog posts. (Counting this one.)

So yeah, I've resorted to laying on my couch, hacking feebly, and counting things. Who says being sick is no fun?

If you say so, Tom Cruise.

So, I was watching TV, and I happened to catch the last third or so of "Vanilla Sky". I don't think I'll be spoiling anything if I tell you that a major, MAJOR event in the movie is when Tom Cruise, with a completely mangled face (chuckle if you like), is standing in a business office lobby screaming the phrase "tech support!" at the top of his lungs. No wonder Scientology is doing so well.

Well, what do you do at 3 am?

Oh, you sleep? Damn, you got me there.

In other news, I should probably be writing code right now. But I'm sick, so I'm feeling lazy. Maybe I'll write a little bit of my program later, but it's probably going to be a bad week. Hell, it's probably going to be a bad semester.

Pox

I am ill. I went to the hospital to tell them that I can't work tonight. I would've called, but I have no voice left. None. Please do not call for a couple of days; I will not be able to answer.

So I'm off work tonight. Possibly tomorrow, as well. I didn't really see a doctor, although they have them around the hospital; I saw a "physician's assistant", who knew what he was talking about. So, he told me it was just a virus, and there's nothing I can do except stay home and try to feel better.

Figures. I get a Saturday night off, and I have to spend it on the couch, feeling like crap and eating chicken noodle soup.

Okay, except for the "feeling like crap" bit, that was probably going to be my standby plan. But still, not feeling well sucks.

Final Thoughts from CA

It's the very last partial day of my trip; it's a little before 6 am local time, and my flight leaves at 9. A few things I've noticed before I go:

There is a fast food restaurant here called Redrum Burger. Man, these Californians are explicit about what happens to cows...

I got sick yesterday, and wanted to change my flight, but at this late date it would've cost over $1000. Fortunately, this morning I'm feeling better, if not fully well.

You know that thing people do when I'm talking? After about thirty seconds or so, their eyes glaze over and they stop caring completely about whatever self-indulgent crap I'm ranting about. That thing. Well, I've got some experience from the other side of that, now. My brother talking about computers at a mile a minute leaves me just treading water in the conversation, waiting for him to finish his thing. I'll try to be better about that, but honestly, I make no promises.

Also, it turns out I am a better singer than my eldest brother. This is something of a shocker to anyone who's heard me sing; that I could go head-to-head in an American Idol type deathmatch, and not be the first eliminated. At least I can get the relative notes within a range of each other, though. My voice may crack and strain at notes outside of about a 7-note range, but at least you can tell I know the tune I'm singing. (I know, it's mean, but the guy makes like 5 times my income. I've got to have something on him.)

Sunny CA

Here I am, kicking back in California. A few notes:

1. While in Davis, there was one thing I wanted to do, more than enjoy the above-freezing temperatures, more than visit with family, more (gasp and shock) than visiting Castro street: I wanted to listen to one of my podcasts on the radio.

You see, I am a huge fan of "This Week In Science", and I love listening to the podcast. But the podcast is simply an mp3 copy of the live radio show, which is based out of UC Davis. So part of the reason I wanted this so badly was that it seemed like the simplest possible request: "set up a radio", as opposed to "drive for an hour to San Francisco with a two-year-old in the backseat". It turns out, though, that while my brother is amply equipped to drive to SF (as they seem to call it out here), having a car, a GPS unit, and a two-year-old, he does not, in fact, have a fully functional radio. Why would a person who owns a car with its own computer screen not have a device as simple as a radio? Turns out, I may be the normal one in the family.

In the hopes that I would recreate the experience I'd hoped to have, I listened to the streaming audio of KDVS this morning. I did, in fact, hear the show, but it just wasn't the same. I mean, I can open up iTunes in Michigan, and for this show, it's even easier to listen to in the Eastern Time Zone. 8:30 am here translates into 11:30 am back home. I know, I'm getting a little whiny here, but I feel a little gypped.

2. On the plus side, I did get to visit the Castro district. Had I been thinking and planning ahead, I would've brought my camera. But then, I would probably have been marked as a tourist, when I saw myself more as a pilgrim. There were lots of people there. It was a lot of fun, except that most of those people were drinking (at 4:30 on a Saturday afternoon), and we didn't feel like joining them. I can see why you would, though. If I lived there, I'd be all over that.

3. I found out my sister-in-law spent some time studying at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln. This is the second person I know who has ties there; one more, and it's officially an omen.

4. I do not have much control over my comings and goings around here. I am borrowing a bicycle, which is perfectly good transportation around town, except it is kept in my brother's garage, which does not open unless you know the code for the keypad, which I don't. So getting some time away to myself, well, hasn't happened yet. Fortunately, they let me smoke in the side yard, so I haven't gone completely insane, but still, I would like a little "me" time. Also, my brother keeps trying to convince me to move out here; I'd be happier about the idea if I could explore around on my own, without a chaperone.

Well, that's about it. I'm here for another 2.5 days, then back to my parents' house, then back to Kalamazoo. Then back to work. Bleh.

At the airport

So, I'm sitting here at the airport in Minneapolis. There's no internet, so there's a time delay between when I'm writing and when I'll post, but then, isn't there always a delay between when I write and when you read?

Anyway, I've discovered that the airport here is completely smoke-free, so I had to step outside to grab a cigarette, and then go back through security to get back in. It turns out, the security level today is "Orange". I remember when everybody knew what security level it was every day. I also remember not having any clue what any of the security levels meant. Hell, I'm surprised they're still doing it.

People watching at airports is phenomenal. While writing the last paragraph, I saw a Buddhist monk and a Catholic priest. I think I'll try a game like the license plate game; can I find a holy person from every major world religion? Probably not; an orthodox Rabbi would stick out in a crowd, but would an evangelist preacher? How about a Zulu witch doctor? Okay, probably so (on both counts), but there might be some other religions I can't think of right now.

Having been single for way too long, I also notice that the people around here (and Detroit Metro, where I was a couple of hours ago) demonstrate an astounding variety of levels of attractiveness. Maybe I should try to join the mile-high club this trip... Of course, looking at the statistics, I think that won't happen. Not the statistics of people getting lucky in airplanes, mind you- those would probably work in my favor. I'm thinking of the statistics for my personal love life, which are dismal.

Speaking of my depressing life, my parents and I spent a good portion of last night talking about how much it sucks to be me. Dead-end job, dead-end degree, no real prospects for change. They offered little advice, but that didn't stop them from talking. I'm surprised they didn't bring up my receding hairline. I remember coming home once and finding out a family cat had died a month earlier, and no one told me. This time, I was half expecting to find out I'd missed a funeral for one of my siblings.

So why, if these people cause me such pain, am I going back to visit them after only six months of freedom?

Because the places they like to congregate and invite me to are much warmer than Michigan. (C'mon, you know you've dated people for less.)


P.S. After I wrote this entry, I saw an iPod vending machine. Hell's yeah!

Holy shit; it's people!

Last night, I went out to the bar with a buddy from high school. We then went bowling. I had more social contact than I think I've had in at least two months. It went well, but the upshot is this: talking should not be a skill one has to remember how to do.

I fly out to CA this afternoon. Assuming all goes well, anyway; it was snowing half an hour ago, and now it is sunny. Damned unpredictable Michigan weather! I looked up Davis online, and it turns out, they are expecting temperatures into the 70's all week. This is a very good thing. I look forward to it.

But for now, I'm kind of tired. Maybe I will sleep on the plane. I hope I don't sleep in the airport, and thereby miss the plane. Ha ha!

... I will set an alarm.

I quit quitting being a quitter... for now.

I will spend time with my family soon (later today). That means no cigarettes for a while. So I want to get my nicotine fix elsewhere: probably through a gum or lozenge medium. But I'm not a heavy smoker, so I don't want to try out a method and go completely insane for two days because of nic-overload. This is not a huge problem, right? I just have to figure out how many mg's of nicotine I inhale in a day, and try to approximate that with my alternative nicotine substance. Example: If I inhale about 10 mg nicotine in a day, and there is a 2 mg lozenge, I'll need about 5 of them a day, right?

Right. It's not a trick question. That's what I'll need. Hell, I can probably get away with fewer than that, since the lozenge or gum probably has more nicotine in it than one cigarette. But how do I know how much nicotine is in a cigarette? Wikipedia, depressingly, was useless in this capacity; they have a lot of information about cigarettes, and a lot of information about nicotine, but they barely even mention the fact that the one contains the other. Actual amounts are not mentioned.

So I headed over to ask.com, and posed my question. I got a link to a report to the Federal Trade Commission, which said that low-end tar cigarettes (notice: tar is not nicotine) have around .1 - .2 mg of nicotine, and high-end tar cigarettes have about 1.7 - 2 mg. So I'm assuming that I'm middle of the road, and I get about 1 mg of nicotine per cigarette. So I looked up lozenges (I'm not much of a gum chewer), and on the Commit website, it didn't ask me how much I smoked under the "Dosing" tab. It only asked whether I usually smoked within a half-hour of waking, and told me what to buy based on that. Nothing about how often I smoked, or which brand/strength, or whether I coupled it with other activities. "Smoke within 30 minutes of waking up? You need the heavy dose!" That's it.

So here we have a highly addictive substance, available over the counter, with little information about typical use and dosing, which we are allowing people to buy for self-medication. Am I the only one who thinks that this is incredibly dangerous? When the patch first came out, you needed a doctor's prescription to get it. Now, I don't even know if you have to be eighteen (or whether you should be) to buy quitting aids. I can't find information about appropriate dosing (size or timing) to counter my cigarette cravings. It doesn't seem like it would be too hard to publish this information; someone already did a study about the nicotine in cigarettes (1206 varieties!). Why can't we examine real-world use of nicotine, and base the use of nicotine replacements on that? Stupid addiction.