Notes from a Bio Class

What follows is copied directly from notes I took in my biology class today. My friend Megan in that class asked me if I was still in it, since I'd skipped about a week straight of lectures. I don't think I'll be skipping any more; the potential for blog fodder is just too great.

"Worse comes to worst, you guys will all have to become vegetarians." Presumably, because the earth can far more easily support vegetarian humans than carnivores.
a: There aren't any carnivorous humans! We're fucking omnivores, bitch!
b: This is a very limited definition of the word "worst". Somehow, I don't think being a vegetarian will help with nuclear winter, volcanic explosions, or the moon falling out of the sky.

To clarify, he did show us two charts. One chart showed the number of humans that can be supported by eating meat (few), and the other showed us the number of humans that can be supported by eating plants (less few). As my notes mention, though, this is a false representation; I've never met a person I knew to only eat meat. If I have met a person who only eats meat, I sincerely doubt that person contributed this digestive tendency to the gene pool by a) meeting another pure carnivore and b) reproducing with that person.

In order for the meaty chart to be accurate, there would not only have to be many such people, but they would all have to live in a similar geographic region, which would be devoid of such unnecessary and unwanted businesses as:
a) Fruit stands
b) Vegetable farms
c) Pizza Hut (that pizza crust comes from grains, people!)
d) McDonald's (soaking a potato in animal fat does not mean you don't have potato in there)
and e) Starbucks.

It's these last two that kind of clinch the deal; if a community refuses to allow a McDonald's or a Starbucks in there, then we are duty bound, as Americans, to nuke the holy hell out of that place. Which means, I suppose, that the real amount of people that can survive purely on meat is zero.