Lastday.

Today is the last day of the calendar year for much of the western world, which is as it should be. It is a little before 9 am. I cannot wait for the next fifteen hours to go by. It has been a crap year, which is only partially represented by this video from someone who has no idea who I am.

It is traditional to make resolutions about how you will change your life in the coming revolution of the earth. I will get to that momentarily, but first a disclaimer: Consider a cost-benefit analysis of the New Year's Resolution. If you keep it, you are not only a) a better person and b) proud of that betterness, but also c) proud of your resolve. It seems like item c pales in comparison to item b; that is, the marginal benefit of the kept resolution is quite small compared to the accomplishment itself, and the benefits you would get by improving yourself without an annual checklist of your shortcomings. Now, the trapfall: what if you can't keep your resolution? What then? Well, that means that you spend next year as, essentially, the same person you were this year. But then, that's not so bad, is it? I mean, you were a pretty decent person this year, right? (Ignoring the two fires and the thing with the moose, I mean.) But if you had resolved to change, and didn't, suddenly you are a failure, just for being you! The marginal cost of a non-kept resolution is quite high, don't you think? Do you really want to go down that shame spiral, just for the thrill of (let's be frank here) giving yourself homework? Do you want me to stop asking these damn questions? ... Okay.

So, after all of that, here are my off-the-cuff resolutions, which are not "goals" or "guidelines" so much as "funny things I thought of just now".

#1: Be more of a self-righteous prick who whines about the absurdities of life around him in order to avoid doing anything about them. Wait, "more"? Crap. This year's prickery will be hard to top.

#2: Get an "A" in a biology course. Based on this semester's grades, I think this one might be tough to solve directly, so I'll have to be creative. I may have to apply to middle school.

#3: Obtain a Nobel Prize. Notice how I didn't say "win"?

#4: Damn, making this list is hard.

#5: Break my own personal record for number of consecutive years spent without getting punched in the face. Since I don't actually remember ever getting punched in the face, this one will be taken care of as soon as the new year starts, assuming I make it through today all right.

#6: Make resolutions for next year.

Anyway, as I said, resolutions can be tricky, even dangerous. I don't actually remember making any resolutions last year, and despite the crap year I've had, I have learned some pretty cool things, met a couple of new people, and generally had a good year of self-improvement. So here's to keeping on with that, at the very least.

Happy New Year's, everyone.