I'm no longer a young man.

After reading about it on CNN.com, I decided to explore this Facebook thingy that all the young people are apparently into. It has a site design reminiscent of an exclusive club, which I'm sure is a calculated move on their part. You cannot find out anything about what, really, it is or does from the homepage. You can't really see any sample pages, and it's tough to say what it's for, exactly, unless you sign up. What's more, you cannot sign up unless you are associated with some "network" or other; each network is determined, from what I can tell, by what college you go to. It is therefore entirely exclusive to college kids, and I used my newfound college status to sneak my way in. Allow me to expose the seamy underbelly of Facebook for the uninitiated, as it is worth neither your time nor effort to get your own profile.

First, this is not simply a Myspace clone (which was itself a Geocities clone; when will the madness end?). Far from it, this site requires college enrollment. Also, Facebook graciously limits the amount of control users have over the appearance of their profiles. A plain white background is required, and I have seen no manner in which to add music or any element of style to one's online representation. This is a wonderful move on the part of Facebook. If nothing else, this alone prevents me from having deeply negative feelings about the site.

Other than those limitations, Facebook isn't much. It has a very smart profile editor, which tempts one, by means of dropdown menus and implied promises of popularity, to divulge every secret of one's whole existence, from your known cohorts to the high school at which you were tortured. Once it has these factoids in its grip, the site allows you to search for others by interest, name, relationship status (a very smart move on their part), and other qualities. A point that caught my eye: instead of forcing a choice between "Male" and "Female" for potential mates, you can choose either, neither, or both, which shows a pleasantly progressive slant. Or maybe they just know their audience; after all, who is more likely to experiment than college kids?

Something tells me that they'll have the same kinds of controversial posts over at Facebook as those that plagued Myspace, but that nothing will come of it, because of that very innocuous exclusivity that drove me through its doors in the first place. I have actually found a few friends of mine on this site, but I will not use it to contact them; I'm sure I will see them around. At any rate, this feels like something to leave to the young people, those who are hip to the scene, as it were. I fully understand how to use this site to advance my fundamental interests in getting laid; I have simply matured to the point where I no longer wish to do so. I will go spend some time checking out their selection of graduate students, and then close my profile forever, mere hours after it was spawned. Enjoy your day.