Oscars?

I am told, by Stephen Colbert, that there were some sort of movie awards held recently. Of course, I am also told that there is a homosexual flightless waterfowl conspiracy. So I'm a bit skeptical. I am told by my boss that Brokeback Mountain did not win best picture, but Crash did. I don't pretend to have watched the Oscars, or Crash for that matter, but I do pretend to understand exactly why this happened: the rich heterosexual male WASPs who own the world feel less guilty about a lack of gay marriage than they do about that whole slavery thing. This is exactly how the world works. I assume.

Also, give sympathy to my friend. I must say, though, I have been through a similar experience. I came home from work one night, only to find that a guest at someone else's party had parked in my spot. So, I had to find another spot somewhere else in the lot, which was quite full, so I had to park in the only available spot: right next to a dumpster. When I got up the next morning, my car was covered in broccoli. I can imagine my car getting egged; most people cannot imagine their car being broccolied. It really sucked. There are still tiny bits of broccoli stuck to my car (from months ago!), as I have not had a sufficient confluence of free time and good weather to get my car washed.

If they made a movie of my life, it would not win an Oscar. Unless they actually let me star in it.