Noted day.

It's not really a "holiday", is it? I mean, most people have dropped the "St." from "St. Valentine's Day", it's not really observed by any religious ceremony I've ever heard of, and frankly, the activities most associated with the holiday are distinctly not church-like. Well, unless you're catholic...

Anyway, I was poking around Yahoo's Valentine's site, and I noticed a list of five favorite romantic movies. Clearly, you want to hear my thoughts on each of those movies.

#5. Harold and Maude. Damn. What's more romantic than candles, wine, and a love story between a suicidal fifteen year old boy and a postmenopausal hippie chick? Answer: Candles and wine. Or candles, wine, and electricity. Or anything.

No. 4. Eternal Sunshine blah blah blah. I can just see it now. The two of you have finished a romantic dinner, you're wearing exciting underwear, and you lean over and whisper sexily into your lover's ear, "Hey baby, let's do something we'll never remember." Yeah, nothing like a little neurosurgery to get the ol' motor running, right? Especially when you know that you'll never have to deal with the consequences of forming an emotional relationship with another human being. Until you run into them on the street. And have flashbacks. And die.

Third movie. When Harry met Sally. Okay, it's a Meg Ryan movie. But it's also a Billie Crystal movie. But she does that orgasm scene. But she's faking it. This one is pretty much a wash.

Flick the second. Say Anything. Ione Skye is cute, John Cusack is cute. He ends up with a boombox held over his trench coat bedecked form. I think she leaves for Europe in the end. It's set in the '80s, which is when it was also made. It'll do, but I've gotten more play to Breakfast Club.

El video primo. The Princess Bride. Hells yeah. It's got a pirate, a giant, another pirate kinda, a hot chick, Wallace Shawn kicks it in an amusing fashion, Miracle Max, "As you wish", and ROUS's. This belongs on any Valentine's, Christmas, Labor Day, National Coming Out Day, or Thursday movie list. Good job, Yahoo. You've managed to state the obvious.

Well, my Valentine's is just beginning. I have a lot of classes today, but when all that's over, I can come back home to be with my lover, Al. Last name: Cohol. Alias: Ethan Ol. Alias: I have some beer in my fridge. But then, there are some cute chicks in my bio class; maybe I'll use my years of experience and wisdom to prey upon them sexually. (Dear FBI agent: I do not endorse preying on people sexually, and would never actually engage in such an activity myself. Please don't arrest me.)