University of PAIN!

I just faxed over a request for my transcript from my law school. When I got home, I had an email from them, asking me to call them about it. I did, and was told that they cannot send out a transcript because of an outstanding fee, and could I please call Accounts Receivable to find out what they can do for me?

Accounts Receivable was less than helpful. They told me that, yes, there is an outstanding balance, and no, there is nothing they can do to help me. Nothing. As far as I could tell, they couldn't even tell me whose account I was calling about, even after I told them. It's not that they're dumb; the problem is that bureaucracy is viral. It is an inescapable disease, one which will decay and eventually kill anyone who comes into contact with it.

My friend (see "Artistic", left) expressed his sympathy by saying that the feeling I get by applying to a university must be the same feeling Ted Kaczynski gets whenever he screws in a lightbulb. Which is funny, because I feel less like the Unabomber, and more like the lightbulb.

I have to imagine this is how murderous dictators get started. Thank God I'm a little bit more patient and less charismatic than your average despot.